Reinforcing a value system with teens works well by using the same language. Say things like, “Does this align with your values?” or “How does this decision make you feel? Does it match your value system?”
It might feel awkward or abstract, but teens who have clarified their value system, have a roadmap for their actions. If their actions align with their value system, they will feel grounded and secure; when they deviate from that, we can notice that they are confused or unsettled. This is also a great opportunity to talk about triggers. When talking about triggers, ask this: “What is the story you’re telling yourself right now?” Usually, the same story will repeat, and this is also a great chance to discuss values. So, if they say, “the story I’m telling myself is that they’re disrespecting me or that they don’t like me…,” this shows low self-esteem and a self-worth. We can all relate! Challenge this notion. Are these stories true? What is under this idea or narrative?
You can circle back to the value system; “If you value motivation, well-being, and achievements, then how can these values help you improve the way you feel about yourself?” THEY can only change the “story” by owning their story. Taking ownership that they are the ones who can invest in their self-worth is empowering. No one on the outside can validate that part of them, they’re in control. This discussion helps teens understand their actions and reactions and any codependency patterns that they are acting out. You totally GOT this!
#teen coaching #home coaching