I used to love starting over. It was rejuvenating, it also made me feel empowered, as if I was taking back control of my life. I was addicted to starting over. So, let's think about being addicted to starting over. Being addicted to starting over means that we are not aligning with the vision, vibration, or the result, we are only aligning with the moment of creating an empowering boundary. I was not actually addicted to the self-destructive booze, or the drugs, or the food, I was addicted to reaching a point where I stood in my power and earned the respect of my spirit. We are craving the feeling where we stand up for ourselves and our spirit and say, “No more of this, I got this, I am sorry I let us go through this again, I won’t let you down again.” Starting over feels good because we have earned the respect of our spirit, for a short while, until we get tired of all the rules we have placed on ourselves, and before we know it, we’re done with that 12 week challenge, the clean streak, the new diet, or the toxic relationship. We are addicted to starting over, and hence, we seek out experiences to lead us back to, “needing to find ourselves” again and again; vibrate higher. We focus on the person, or experience, or job, or relationship, rather than focusing on the lesson. When we decide to start over, we make boundaries, like fences, trying to keep those people, addictions, food, and energy as far as possible. It is in those experiences though that we find the wisdom, and the lesson, that leads us to healing. It is in embracing those experiences, and the wisdom, that we find the strength to forgive ourselves and give ourselves grace. I was not only addicted to starting over, I was afraid of leaning in to those parts of me that needed healing and nurturing. As you can imagine, someone addicted to starting over, never really reaches their goal, because it was not the goal I was craving, it was compassion and love for myself.
So, essentially, we’re not addicted to starting over, but rather, we actually think that we need to reinvent ourselves or find ourselves all over again. We don’t believe in our true goodness. We don’t believe that we are whole, good, and perfect, the way we are. Starting over doesn’t work because we are always seeking that feeling in time. Our spirits don’t know time. Time is a social construct. We weren’t created to become whole “in time.” We are God energy, universal intelligence, divine, whatever you want to call it, and we were created whole and perfect. Starting over doesn’t work because we are chasing something that is actually inside of us, out there. It has made the beauty industry, the diet culture, and online shopping worth trillions. Starting over only works with self-compassion and radical acceptance. We can’t hate ourselves into loving ourselves. So, essentially, being addicted to starting over, means we are addicted to hating ourselves, because we actually think it is doing something, hoping that one day we’ll love a version of ourselves that we’ll create in time. It’s the same kind of vicious cycle we enter in addiction. It’s counterintuitive. So, how do we start over, everyday?
Notice your self-talk and use higher vibrational language to refer to yourself
Notice where you can make alternative, healthier choices to nourish your body, mind, and spirit
Catch the vision of what you are to become. Ask the question, “What must I become?”
Ask yourself, “where must I grow?”
Remember your values and what you stand for, every-single-day
I have made this agreement with my spirit. I also share it with those close to me or those I work with in my practice:
I give you permission to feel. I give you permission to feel loved, unique, seen, and heard. I also give you permission to doubt yourself. I give you permission to listen to your saboteur, and invite that voice in. Let it teach you something. Have a conversation with it. Don’t ask it to leave. It is part of you. Honor its lessons. Its memory surpasses ours. It remembers all the times you didn’t keep your word. It remembers the disappointments. It's the child in you. Tell it, “I am here now, I am listening, tell me what you have to say; why are you so angry?” Make an agreement that you’ll always have a “chat.” Speak openly about the shame, the heartache, the rock bottoms, everything. Behind every addiction, there is a wound that needs healing. Behind every addiction, there is a child that needs nurturing, acceptance, and understanding. Behind every addiction, there is an emotion that is trying to find a voice that is being silenced. When you don’t do anything with “it,” then it will do something with you. It’s energy. It’s your spirit. What you are doing here is earning the respect of your spirit. You are saying to your spirit, and your inner child, “ I am here now, no more of this, I am sorry we had to go through this, and now it’s time to heal; The adult is back in the room. You can trust me. I have your back. I won’t let this happen to us again.”